Podio Number to Words

I'm utilizing Stephen Chapman's code on about.com titled "How to Convert Numbers to Words with JavaScript." The problem is, I can't figure out why a Podio calculated field won't accept it. I keep getting "Script syntax error: Illegal return statement." I made a fiddle of the code and tested things out, and if I make the end return an alert, it displays what I want. What doesn't Podio accept in this regard and what options are there to do this.

Context: I'm using this for automatic contract generation and I would love to have the words available. Thank you!

var th = ['', 'thousand', 'million', 'billion', 'trillion'];
var dg = ['zero', 'one', 'two', 'three', 'four',
  'five', 'six', 'seven', 'eight', 'nine'
];
var tn = ['ten', 'eleven', 'twelve', 'thirteen', 'fourteen', 'fifteen', 'sixteen',
  'seventeen', 'eighteen', 'nineteen'
];
var tw = ['twenty', 'thirty', 'forty', 'fifty', 'sixty', 'seventy', 'eighty', 'ninety'];
var words = toWords(@PODIONUMBERFIELD);

function toWords(s) {
  s = s.toString();
  s = s.replace(/[\, ]/g, '');
  if (s != parseFloat(s)) return 'not a number';
  var x = s.indexOf('.');
  if (x == -1) x = s.length;
  if (x > 15) return 'too big';
  var n = s.split('');
  var str = '';
  var sk = 0;
  for (var i = 0; i < x; i++) {
    if ((x - i) % 3 == 2) {
      if (n[i] == '1') {
        str += tn[Number(n[i + 1])] + ' ';
        i++;
        sk = 1;
      } else if (n[i] != 0) {
        str += tw[n[i] - 2] + ' ';
        sk = 1;
      }
    } else if (n[i] != 0) {
      str +=
        dg[n[i]] + ' ';
      if ((x - i) % 3 == 0) str += 'hundred ';
      sk = 1;
    }
    if ((x - i) % 3 == 1) {
      if (sk) str += th[(x - i - 1) / 3] + ' ';
      sk = 0;
    }
  }
  if (x != s.length) {
    var y = s.length;
    str +=
      'point ';
    for (var i = x + 1; i < y; i++) str += dg[n[i]] + ' ';
  }
  return str.replace(/\s+/g, ' ');
}

Everything is OK with your script, you just need to re-arrange it a bit. Here is copy/pasted version that worked great for me:

var th = ['', 'thousand', 'million', 'billion', 'trillion'];
var dg = ['zero', 'one', 'two', 'three', 'four',
  'five', 'six', 'seven', 'eight', 'nine'
];
var tn = ['ten', 'eleven', 'twelve', 'thirteen', 'fourteen', 'fifteen', 'sixteen',
  'seventeen', 'eighteen', 'nineteen'
];
var tw = ['twenty', 'thirty', 'forty', 'fifty', 'sixty', 'seventy', 'eighty', 'ninety'];

function toWords(s) {
  s = s.toString();
  s = s.replace(/[\, ]/g, '');
  if (s != parseFloat(s)) return 'not a number';
  var x = s.indexOf('.');
  if (x == -1) x = s.length;
  if (x > 15) return 'too big';
  var n = s.split('');
  var str = '';
  var sk = 0;
  for (var i = 0; i < x; i++) {
    if ((x - i) % 3 == 2) {
      if (n[i] == '1') {
        str += tn[Number(n[i + 1])] + ' ';
        i++;
        sk = 1;
      } else if (n[i] != 0) {
        str += tw[n[i] - 2] + ' ';
        sk = 1;
      }
    } else if (n[i] != 0) {
      str +=
        dg[n[i]] + ' ';
      if ((x - i) % 3 == 0) str += 'hundred ';
      sk = 1;
    }
    if ((x - i) % 3 == 1) {
      if (sk) str += th[(x - i - 1) / 3] + ' ';
      sk = 0;
    }
  }
  if (x != s.length) {
    var y = s.length;
    str +=
      'point ';
    for (var i = x + 1; i < y; i++) str += dg[n[i]] + ' ';
  }
  return str.replace(/\s+/g, ' ');
}


var words = toWords(@Number);
words;