I had a raspberry pi I want to connect to my laptop and use the raspberry pi directedly from my laptop, I try PuTTY and VNC following tutorial on youtube, but can't get them to connect; in PuTTY had connection refused, as for VNC connected with the pi.
As said in the comments you need to enable SSH on your pi.
If you have a screen you can use to view the desktop, it's pretty easy, enter:
sudo raspi-config (in to a terminal) navigate to interfacing options and you will be able to enable both SSH and VNC.
If you do not have a monitor or any way to view the desktop of your pi, you will have to do it the hard way by copying a file to your pi SD card to enable SSH, here is a link to a tutorial on how it works Enabling SSH on pi without screen
Honestly, though, the first option is the best, easiest and most foolproof.