Text rpg that lets you move between rooms ignore all if statements testing for location

This is a problem that's always vexed me. I've re-made this program multiple times over the years, but the results are the same; the program ignores all the if statements. Its as if it knows the program I'm trying to make and refuses to execute.

Using print commands, the location is being set accurately. There's no reason why it should be ignoring it. Here is my latest attempt to make this program:

topLeft='topLeft'
top='top'
topRight='topRight'
midLeft='midLeft'
mid='mid'
midRight='midRight'
botLeft='botLeft'
bot='bot'
botRight='botRight'

location=mid

def printError():
    print("You can't go that way!")

def topLeft():
    userInput=input('You can go south or east.')
    if userInput=='s':
        location=midLeft
    elif userInput=='e':
        location=top
    else:
        printError()
        

def top():
    userInput=input('You can go south, east, or west.')
    if userInput=='s':
        location=mid
    elif userInput=='e':
        location=topRight
    elif userInput=='w':
        location=topLeft
    else:
        printError()

def topRight():
    userInput=input('You can go south or west.')
    if userInput=='s':
        location=midRight
    elif userInput=='w':
        location=top
    else:
        printError()

def midLeft():
    userInput=input('You can go north, south or east.')
    if userInput=='n':
        location=topLeft
    elif userInput=='s':
        location=botLeft
    elif userInput=='e':
        location=mid
    else:
        printError()

def mid():
    userInput=input('You can go north, south, east, and west.')
    if userInput=='n':
        location=top
    elif userInput=='s':
        location=bot
    elif userInput=='e':
        location=midRight
    elif userInput=='w':
        location=midLeft
    else:
        printError()

def midRight():
    userInput=input('You can go north, south, west.')
    if userInput=='n':
        location=topRight
    elif userInput=='s':
        location=botRight
    elif userInput=='w':
        location=mid
    else:
        printError()

def botLeft():
    userInput=input('You can go north or east.')
    if userInput=='n':
        location=midLeft
    elif userInput=='e':
        location=bot
    else:
        printError()

def bot():
    userInput=input('You can go north, east, or west.')
    if userInput=='n':
        location=mid
    elif userInput=='e':
        location=botLeft
    elif userInput=='w':
        location=botRight
    else:
        printError()

def botRight():
    userInput=input('You can go north or west.')
    if userInput=='n':
        location=midRight
    elif userInput=='w':
        location=bot
    else:
        printError()

while True:
    print(location)
    if location==topLeft:
        topLeft()
    elif location==top:
        top()
    elif location==topRight:
        topRight()
    elif location==midLeft:
        midLeft()
    elif location==mid:
        mid()
    elif location==midRight:
        midRight()
    elif location==botLeft:
        botLeft()
    elif location==bot:
        bot()
    elif location==botRight:
        botRight()

Hopefully the code is pretty self-explanatory. Why do such programs keep refusing to work? No other such loops ignore if statements. It does do this under other circumstances too, but this is the only one that has a pattern. I try to make a text-based rpg, it fails right off the bat no matter what I do. Why does it do this? Do while loops simply not like large numbers of if statements? It even does this even if the options are only two though. Am I triggering some sort of failsafe? What's going on here?

You're defining each of your locations (top, mid, and so on) as both a string and a function. The function definition comes later, so it takes precedence. That means every condition in your while loop is going to fail, as they're all trying to compare strings to functions.

You'll have to rename either the functions or the strings. I'd personally go with the functions since you can find-and-replace for "top()" without messing too much up, but it's up to you.